please please don't... don't drink poison

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22 jan. 2007, 22h53m

so i was bored an' i decided to... KILL TIME... so, this is a li'l old RANDOM SURVEY type thing I stole from an unsuspecting journal writer. you have a question and the answer is provided by your music player's randomiser function. SHALL WE BEGIN? Yes, my lords, we shall.

Q: "Will I get far in life?"
A: In the Flat Field
sez: That's really quite worrying. either I'll stay in a flat field and get bored, or go into a monstrous labyrinth and moan about string and whores and pregnant cows.

Q: "How do my friends see me?"
A: Heather
sez: Wow, my friends see me as a) a curiously odd gothic girl who never answers the phone or b), more likely, the mumbling, whining, raspy voiced loser who pursues her in a vaguely threatening way.

Q: "Where will I get married?"
A: Reprovisional
sez: ok so it's 'somewhere in these private minds'. hopefully not 'behind the targets, in front of all the people we serve.' or i think that's what the song says. anyway i like this because it seems to imply that Guy from fugazi will be at my wedding. Maybe perfoming the 'rites'? (of spring?) Or, better yet, FUCKING MARRYING ME. I love Guy.

Q: "What is my best friend's theme song?"
A: Hang on to Yourself
sez: haha. I think Bowie might suit him quite well. and this song is quite fitting actually... He'd probably prefer something from the Final Fantasy scores as a theme, though, cause I know he's into that. Or something by nick cave.

Q: "What is the story of my life?"
A: Chest Fever
sez: I guess that works. I have been ill a whole lot. And that song rocks, it messes up your whole MIND... until you start screaming DRUGS... DRUGS! but, um, what's it actually about?

Q: "What was high school like?"
A: Walla Walla
sez: There are a scary amount of lines in this song I can relate to my high school experience/then-friends. like 'You've gotten off easy so many times, I guess nobody told you how to get a life.' and also it's about being doomed to prison and, you know, school was like that. 'Well, I'll see you! Have a nice life.'

Q: "How can I get ahead in life?"
A: Love Henry
sez: so I kill some guy and throw him down a fuckin' well. because he won't sleep with me. awesome. Or maybe the moral is, if you reject a girl she might kill you, so you should sleep with every girl you meet?

Q: "What is the best thing about me?"
A: I'm Not Trading
sez: Who the fuck are sunna and why are they on my computer? Awa' wi' ye Sunna, you were not invited hence. They seem to be industrial grunge. How unpleasant... If this is the best thing about me, I'm killing myself now kthx

Q: "How is today going to be?"
A: Is This What You Wanted
sez: so it's going to be like my least favourite Leonard Cohen track? awesome. also today is over now. "is this what you wanted, to end up on lastfm, haunted by the ghost of you and me?"

Q: "What is in store for this weekend?"
A: The Nephilim
sez: Well, like most AFI tracks it's pretty enigmatic but it seems to be about substance abusin' youths. So, yeah that sounds like an awesome teenage party. also at the end i will grow wings or something? i wouldn't miss it.

Q: "What song describes my parents?"
A: Moana
sez: hahahaha... as in MOANER i get it... I love my parents. but they are moaners sometimes. not as much as me though. this is quite an affectionate song so i guess they might dig it.

Q: "My grandparents?"
A: Battle-Axe
sez: Yeah. my grandma is quite fierce. and she scares me a bit. she's tough. very Catholic. haha. this works.

Q: "What song will they play at my funeral?"
A: Tupelo
sez: that's weird cause that song's about a kid being born. but it does sound absolutely terrifying so, whatever... i'd prefer some joy division to bum people out. any nick song is pretty appropriate for a funeral though. except Stagger Lee. haha.

Q: "How does the world see me?"
A: Prove It
sez: so they see me either as a free spirit who doesn't need to prove himself, or a suspicious asshole who should be constantly questioned? I'm confused.

Q: "Will I have a happy life?"
A: Caviar
sez: I don't know about you guys, but living inside an icarus line track sounds pretty good to me. this one's about casual sex i think. let's get protection.

Q: "What do my friends really think of me?"
A: 12xU
sez: they think I'm a wire cover? that's as good as i can hope I guess. SXE 4 LYFE.

Q: "How can I make myself happy?"
A: Trem Two
sez: by being mission of burma! AWESOME!!!!!! Actually, this was an unhelpful answer because this song is enigmatic, mysterious and ultimately unknowable. A lot like happiness, kids.

Q: "Do people secretly lust after me?"
A: Snake Oil Tanker
sez: 'I know that you wish I was dead, I know cause you told me last weekend'. Thanks a fucking bunch, iTunes.

Q: "What should I do with my life?"
A: All The Time In Airports
sez: I don't think spending the rest of my life in airports is too fun a concept. But this is genuinely one of my favourite songs ever and i'm just glad it happened to be on here.

Q: "Should I ever have children?"
A: Across the Great Divide
sez: Well it says 'bring your children down to the riverside' so i'm guessing this is a subtle way of saying 'YES HAVE KIDS'. also it seems to be telling me not to kill myself.

Q: "Gimmie some good advice:"
A: Way Down the Line
sez: This is the worst advice ever, seriously.

Q: "What is my signature dancing song?"
A: Candidate
sez: the dance obviously being standing still with my arms clamped tightly to my sides and eyes screwed shut through extreme social fear. The dance of a Joy Division fan. Seriously, this is maybe the least dance-y, most white and repressed song ever. It suits me.

Q: "What is my current theme song?"
A: Can't Hardly Wait
sez: this would be a great ending credits song because it implies an uplifting turn of events... I guess in my case they'd have to add '...To Get A Fucking Job And Girlfriend And Purpose In Life' to the title.

Q: "What do OTHER PEOPLE think my theme song is?"
A: Adelleda
sez: Oh man, I don't even like Alexisonfire and that type of music particularly, but I guess it's what people assume I like when I say I'm into 'emo'. Fuck.

Q: "What do I really want from life?"
A: This Could Be Love
sez: So I basically want to shit myself and then get executed by an ex-lover. I think there are special internet sites for that kinda action but you have to pay premium.

Q: "How should I help others?"
A: Skyscraper
sez: I think this was written about the first WTC attack (the one that didn't really do any damage?). Maybe they're telling me I should... BLOW UP CITIES? surely some mistake.

Q: "How should I help myself?"
A: It'll Be a Long Time
sez: so I should basically help myself by writing a Bad Religion knockoff. THANKS OFFSPRING, YOU HAVE HELPED MY LIFE SO MUCH BROS.

Q: "What should I do to succeed in life?"
A:No Compromise
sez: Ummm, ok but maybe couldn't I have a bit of compromise? This song seems to be begging me to leap over the counter of a bank with a grenade and an uzi. and that's not really me.

Q: "What is your most important goal in life?"
A: Want You Bad
sez: Oh come on guys, 4 offspring tracks? That's more than I listen to in like a year. Stop trying to hamstring the babes opinion of me, you iTunes bastards. um no I don't listen to the offspring i swear. and i'm a brilliant lover. Anyway... This seems to imply my goal in life is getting some hot s&m action from my clean cut girlfriend, which is kind of not really what i'm into, TRUTH BE TOLD.

Q: "What do I get the most pleasure from?"
A: Nudes
sez: Well, that is pretty much true i guess. I am a con-a-sewer. of the undraped form. ahhh, fuck it I'm a monster I admit it.

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