Haven't posted on these walls In a long while. I guess things have been good. I've been on the up and I've also been on the low. I've seen death, and I have created some life, and it's coming, again.
Just had a conversation with a dear old friend, and we recollected and remembered, of that time together, that time, in that foreign city. We reminisced that experience together. That time when things fell apart.
She was there, and she saw and witnessed. What struck me the most, from this conversation, was her objectivity, and her testimony of that time. In particular, how she characterized my state of mind, without judging me. She didn't play the judge. She didn't ridicule me or admonish. She was cultured throughout the occasion, and all the while, while I never expressed apology, for the things that i said to her, though I have carried the quiet embarrassment of the words that I said to her. Of the words that my clouded mind can remember.
Throughout, and since then. Our paths haven't crossed. She has remained a distant friend, or rather, a friend in the distance, watching me, and praying for me.
The simplicity and the good nature of her friendship is overwhelming, to have such a friend, who comforts and reassures at this time, when perhaps, i had caused her some personal grief. Her friendship is, simply awesome. It is just that, awesome.
Perhaps now, more than any other time, I have come to terms with this affliction, of that spiritual revelation/enlightenment disguised as temporary madness. Though I fear it, and I struggle to accept is a part of my being, of my life. I have come to accept that it is, in fact, who I am, it is part of my collective consciousness. It is my life.
She has persuaded me to write more, to post my thoughts, my conversations with myself, and with God. To record my questions, my questions of the cosmos, questions of my existence, of my belonging, questions of nature, of my nature, and my experience. Perhaps, one day, this life, my life, will make sense. And not only just, sometimes.Erykah BaduBaduizmSometimes