White Rapper's Delight Pt. 2: Relapse


10 mai 2009, 17h10m

Recap: I dis Asher Roth . I dis Shia Lebouf. I dis Eminem. A few people laugh. A few people tell me not to make fun of their favorite pretty white boys. Suddenly, a troll appears:

A troll?

"asher roth> Nas"

And what's this? Not one but two challengers:

a) "your opinion about Eminem's new album couldn't be more wrong, listen to the full album then speak, it's far better than the singles."

b) "Well the album leaked and you were wrong."

Other than Eminem, do you guys listen to anything that even remotely resembles rap?

a) Nelly Furtado, M.I.A.

b) Korn, Linkin Park, Thousand Foot Krutch

Trolled again. But I already listened to the CD in full and wrote a review. So screw it.

That's about how I felt.

Track 1: Dr. West (Intro)

The best-selling rap artist of all time needs an intro? On his 6th album?

Track 2: 3 Am

It's 3 AM in the morning, and the only thing I want more than to die in extreme pain and agony is to hear Eminem's Triumph the Comic Insult Dog impersonation again. I think I'm relapsing.

Silence of the Lambs. Kim Kardashian. Miley Cyrus. Man, you're really on it today. Why don't you throw in a tired joke in the next song, too? About Heath Ledger? Oh, you will? You already did? Wonderful.

Track 3: My Mom

This beat is pretty raw, but was I supposed to be singing the chorus to "What's the difference?" while I listened to this song? Or wishing this was a tenth as good as "Cleanin' Out My Closet"?

Track 4: Insane

Superman. Without the guitar. But I'm actually nodding my head now. "I want you to feel me like my stepfather felt me." Not anymore.

Track 5: Bagpipes from Baghdad

Best beat so far. That bass knocks. Wait for it. I bet this beat's going to change up somewhere, enough to keep me interested. Autotune. I spoke too soon.

Track 6: Hello

Another nice beat. Catchy chorus. But one intro is enough. Or six intros, one per album, but I digress.

Track 7: Tonya (Skit)

Well, at least it's not one of those shitty porno skits you've heard on every rap album since the mid-nineties. Sort of.

Track 8: Same Song & Dance

Name says it all. Almost disturbing and almost a good song. But we've heard it before. And we've heard it better.

Track 9: We Made You

As in, Bill O'Reilly and the other media tards who demonized you into massive fame in the first place?

I'd be speechless, too.

Track 11: Medicine Ball

I could dance to this. But why?

Shame, shame, Marshall. Christopher Reeves has been dead nearly 5 years. And you can't even come up with one funny joke about it.

Track 12: Paul (Skit)

We're trying to reverse-hype our own shock value again?

Track 13: Stay Wide Awake

Sounds like "Business" but with worse lyrics.

Track 14: Old Times Sake (feat. Dr. Dre)

Wow, "Dre from NWA" sounds like a talentless caricature of his former self. Oh sorry, Ice Cube was always the lyricist. You could've at least hired a better ghostwriter this time around though.

Track 15: Must be the Ganja

Weed makes you kill people? Hold still, Mr. Mathers. I think you've been possessed by the spirit of Ronald Reagan.

Track 16: Mr. Mathers

I'm tired of your skit(s), Eminem.

Track 17: Deja Vu

Funny you say that.

Track 18: Beautiful

This is what would happen if Superman and Sing for the Moment had a child. With down syndrome. Beautiful indeed.

Track 19: Crack a Bottle (feat. Dr. Dre and 50 Cent)

50 Cent, I thought you got shot in the mouth, not in the brain. And it makes me wonder if you're half-assing it or you were just never that good.

Track 20: Steve Berman (Skit)

It sucks. But it sells. This is what Eminem does best--reverse-engineering hype through our hate.

Track 21: Underground/Ken Kaniff

I like this beat. But more lame Christopher Reeves and Hannah Montana jokes? And you're fighting classic horror movie villains from the last half of the last century?

Okay, the ending was kind of funny. But not enough to warrant another listen. You got me to smile one time in this record though. Congrats, you cheeky bastard, you.

Conclusion: I'll give Eminem this: His new album made me laugh. Once. And he's a brilliant marketer. Even after Encore, I bet he'll still sell at least a million records to people who hate rap music. And even at his worst, he's better than Assto Mouth. The rapper.

Can I have my 76 minutes and 43 seconds back now?

2.5/5 stars



  • ggnomeproject

    "dude you just can't make stuff up, where do you find Korn, Linkin Park, Thousand Foot Krutch in my list?" Sorry, I just edited the post. I had "a" and b" switched.

    10 mai 2009, 20h20m
  • ggnomeproject

    I actually watched that movie about an hour ago. Yeah, M.I.A.'s fun to listen to on occasion. I don't know that I'd call her music rap though. Either way, I'd rather listen to her music than this Eminem CD.

    10 mai 2009, 20h46m
  • ggnomeproject

    If I was in a club and heard these songs I'd probably still dance and if a friend played the album for me I wouldn't shun them. It's just that everything he's done on this album he's done better on his first four albums so I have no reason to buy or even download it for myself.

    11 mai 2009, 0h27m
  • McKillaboy

    Damn, you almost got me there, I almost fell for it. 2/10 I stopped listening to other rap when, well basically when I grew up.

    11 mai 2009, 16h31m
  • EricSMatts

    Ive never been a fan of Eminem but like you i think hes has several decent songs, its kind of sad how when people think of white rappers they think of eminem hes nothing special. i havnt heard his entire new album but so far it sounds like nothing new...

    11 mai 2009, 20h47m
  • ggnomeproject

    @Mc: Good for you. All I said was you listen to a mediocre rapper, not that you had to listen to good rappers. @Eric: The fact that you listen to Slow Suicide Stimulus says it all. Good taste, man.

    11 mai 2009, 21h29m
  • urbanpanda85

    yer a fanny.

    12 mai 2009, 14h06m
  • spree0220

    Wow. Nice job trying to listen to the record with an objective point of view. You are my friend, the smartest of the them all and clearly too smart to be listening to someone as dumb as Eminem. Just keep listening to Slow Suicide Stimulus and their "on-point" flow and incredible subject matter. Especially when you compare them to Eminem. Can I have the last 2 minutes of my life back now?

    12 mai 2009, 15h25m
  • ggnomeproject

    @urban: ? @spree: I never said: a) I'm smart b) Eminem's dumb c) SSS has an "on-point flow" or d) SSS has incredible subject matter You did.

    13 mai 2009, 5h44m
  • Lukelabern

    You may think you have individually rated each song based on its own merits; but your lack of English language control has turned into a mudslide of a review. Granted, I would write a review that is totally the opposite and would praise every song; but the way you put them down, your attempt to highlight your wit... My oh my, you are talentless. Music by definition is repetitive; and rap is the most repetitive genre on the planet, aside from pop; what did you expect with a title like "Relapse"? It's about drugs and slim shady, and rape jokes. Lighten up. Or, don't post pointless, one-sided reviews that bore the shit out of me.

    13 mai 2009, 13h55m
  • spree0220

    @ggnomeprject: If you really want to pretend that you don't like the album because you feel you're too "smart" for it, then go right ahead. Your entire review implies that you're "funny" with your remarks and incredible "wit", in other words smart. And your comment of someone having great musical taste because they enjoy Slow Suicide Stimulus, and bashing anyone or anything that has to do with Eminem also shows the point I'm trying to make. But honestly, this is pointless. I can see you're the type of person who listens to underground and underground only, and then claims that no mainstream rapper is good for reasons A, B, or C. So I'll just go back to enjoying Relapse like 96.78% of the world.

    13 mai 2009, 14h29m
  • ggnomeproject

    @Lukelabern: 1) Actually, I did rate "each song based on its own merits." Some of them say things like "another nice beat," "this beat knocks," and "catchy chorus." Then, I followed them with the rest of my thoughts on the songs. 2) Where was I not in control of the English language? 3) Write the review, yourself, and stop complaining. I was honest, and that's all that matters in a review. 4) Yes, I have listened to music before--rap music even. Hell, I've even listened to an Eminem album before. Come to think of it, I listened to all five of his previous albums before I came to "Relapse." So I've heard all the "drugs and slim shady, and rape jokes" before. I've just heard them done better. I've heard them done better by Eminem himself on his first four albums. 5) This is not a one-sided review. I often complimented the beats and choruses and I didn't give the album a 0. I gave it a 2.5/5, meaning it was almost solid. What did I expect? Hatred from people who might disagree with me if I were honest--it's fine. I expected it. @spree0220: 1) Actually, I wasn't pretending to not like the album. It was okay. I could nod my head to it at parts and might even dance to it if I were in a club. I simply wouldn't buy or download it when there are 4 other Eminem albums that were a lot better. 2) I listen to Eminem, DMX, Outkast, Ludacris, Dr. Dre, Wu-Tang Clan, Busta Rhymes, and others. Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't some of those artists been played on the radio? Maybe even gotten a platnium record? But I could be wrong.

    13 mai 2009, 17h13m
  • fionnzer

    lol this makes me laugh. You bash every song on it. I mean some people just don't like eminem others don't like the music but even they agree that beautiful and underground are good songs. But you you just hate on every one of the tracks.Why ? I dont know maybe because you think your musical taste is superior to others just because you listen to underground rap. Or maybe you just listened to the album with it set out in mind that it was a bad album.

    13 mai 2009, 18h30m
  • ggnomeproject

    @ fionnzer: I don't dislike Eminem. Read my "White Rapper's Delight" part 1 journal. I just think he's on decline. He's lazy. Beautiful and Underground are okay--great concepts, not-so-great finished product. Beautiful has nice production, it's just cheesy. I never said it was a bad album, simply a bad album for Eminem. It's an okay album. And if I have to listen to another okay album, I will probably bash it, too.

    13 mai 2009, 19h01m
  • fionnzer

    imo hes not the decline. Look at how much he's improved since Encore. He raps differently now. Some people will not like this new way. That's fair enough. But he shows us in Underground and Beautiful that he can still rap like his old self. This leads me to think that relapse 2 will be more like his older stuff. So that 2.5 stars out of 5 is relapse compared to the mmlp ? Because if it is that generous the mmlp was 10 x better than relapse.But relapse is still fucking great especially compared to rap these days. And Undeground was a great finished product . One of ems best.

    13 mai 2009, 19h20m
  • ggnomeproject

    Encore was 3 steps back. Relapse is only 1 step forward. Still smells like decline to me. But then, I haven't heard Relapse 2. I'll burn that bridge when I cross it. The 2.5/5 was in comparison to everything I've heard: what Eminem's done, what Eminem's influenced, what's influenced Eminem, and everything else. But what he's done plays a large part in the rating.

    13 mai 2009, 20h41m
  • AndSelfAssured

    Norma Jean is your top artist. You need to listen to more fucking Botch, man. As for the review, it was too long; didn't read.

    14 mai 2009, 4h16m
  • ggnomeproject

    @AndSelfAssured: I love Botch, but they haven't released a new album in 7 years and the 4 CDs they released just aren't as solid as, say, Converge or "Bless the Martyr"-era Norma Jean. Well, I wanted to write at least a couple sentences on every track. By the way, you were looking at my top artists of the past 3 months--Chevelle's my top of all time (barely). I've got 3 months set as the default on my page.

    14 mai 2009, 5h07m
  • Lukelabern

    OK, let me try a different approach: "Track 1: Dr. West (Intro) The best-selling rap artist of all time needs an intro? On his 6th album?" That's one of the stupidest things I've ever read in my life time; you may dislike the intro as a prelude to the album but I dislike that sentence as a prelude to your article -- there is nothing new in any of the content past that line. I find your rather tame rebuttles amusing, so all I'll say is your beard looks incredibly stupid in that pic of yours. Change it please.

    17 mai 2009, 19h03m
  • ggnomeproject

    *lifetime *rebuttals 1) Calm down and fix your typos. 2) Eminem didn't do anything new here so why should I break my back to reinvent the review for him? 3) I like my beard. Women like my beard. I'm not afraid of putting my own face on the Internet. It's better than having a picture of a constipated man grunting into a microphone and attempting to shit on stage.

    17 mai 2009, 19h32m
  • Kenpod

    That's Trent Reznor in LukeLabern's picture. Is that your next victim of an immature attempt of a review? Albums do not need reviews; It's entirely down to an individual's taste and experience. If you were half of the music fan you make out to be, you'd RESPECT + LISTEN to Eminem's new material and you definitely wouldn't judge a creative stage picture by the member that's using it, especially if it's music related. Advice: Don't write reviews on Albums. In fact, this isn't even a review from what I can make out. It's an article of your opinions strung together with cliche, predictable wit. Of course, I'll be expecting some sort of amusing retort, which I'm excitedly looking forward to. :) I give your "review" 1.5 out of 5 stars, for effort and the amusement.

    25 mai 2009, 23h40m
  • ggnomeproject

    @ Kenpod 1) When Trent stops crying about failed relationships through song long enough to hunt me down and pick a fight with me over a stray Internet joke, I'll answer your question. That said, I respect the man (a lot more than Eminem). The Fragile, The Slip, and the Downward Spiral were actually pretty good--musically anyway. Some pretty clever lyrics here and there, too, if a bit repetitive in tone. Oh shit, I just immaturely reviewed Nine Inch Nails for you. Congratulate me. 2) Oh my god, like, those purple lights bring such perfect ambience to, like, Trent's sillhouette and, like, oh my GAAAAAWD. Look at how his sillhouette blends into the shadowy stage atmosphere! Oh fuck, I've got a creativity boner. I'm going to go bang it against the dresser. There's a thin line between respecting and worshiping an artist, group, or band. I listened to Relapse in full, with an open mind and thought it was mediocre. But you're entitled to your opinion, too. 3) For all the generic hate I generate, I must be doing something right. If you're looking for more predictable reviews, hit up Pitchfork for a review from lovers of half-decent electronic pop music or Rolling Stone for the face of faceless America. Still, I can't let Luke have all the fun. Your avatar looks like a red Grimm Reaper giving a gelatinous, purple cloud an anal probe. You're welcome.

    26 mai 2009, 1h03m
  • Lukelabern

    LMAO @ thinking that male prostitute was a girl liking your beard. -_- O shi' I just reviewd ur life omgl0lz Suck mah Trent Reznor

    26 mai 2009, 19h20m
  • Lukelabern

    o shi more typoz

    26 mai 2009, 19h20m
  • ggnomeproject

    @Luke: If I may ask, how old are you? PS I've saved all of the comments on this page. That is, in case, you try to delete yours.

    26 mai 2009, 19h29m
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