Life has been crazy lately. My world is falling apart and yet Im still focused on something so stupid.. Why does my mind always go back to wondering of I will ever get married? My dad keeps saying I need to wear more makeup so that I will be attractive. He pretty much told me that I need to change everything about myself because no guy would ever love me as I am. I found this song. Beautiful For Me by Nichole Nordeman "Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection Twirl around, stare it down What’s…

I haven't been on in a long time. Im exhausted and I can't sleep. God is so faithful. All these bad things happen. He throws in some good and great every so often though most of my life is spiraling out of control. But thats not why he's faithful. Do you know why I know God is faithful? But because in the midst of everything I feel safe and that even when my parents fight or we end up not having enough money to pay the bills or I get put on academic suspension It wont matter. I am Gods,…

Wired awake sitting in bed. Went out to my cousins tonight with a friend. Watched movies and such. Suddenly I was on the road happy and then.. I get home and I feel like I''m totally and utterly alone. Is there something wrong with me. I'm 19 years old and I'm yet to have a boyfriend. I feel so alone. I know it's a trap but even when I recognize it I still fall into it. What do I do? I need to let God take over this fight has gone on long enough. There's to much of the world…

It's times like this that things get tough. Moms operation is in a week. Tension in the house is worse than ever. I feel so alone. I've had a few bad days with the depression. Dads leaving the day after the operation. School starts the next week. I'm primary care taker. I thought I could do this, but there's this voice in mind saying that I'm alone and I will fail. I know thats the devil battling for control of my mind. The devil isn't stupid and he knows he's more powerful than I am. But we both know that…

I feel like i'm going to cry for absolutely no reason. I feel content. I don't want to sleep I guess. My dreams are getting worse. People close to me keep trying to kill me or push me out of cars.. I don't want to bed knowing I'll be poisoned or shot or stabbed or thrown out of a car or left at train station in the middle of nowhere with a hundred dollars no phone and told never to return. But the song Everything Falls is on. "Sorrow may last for the night but hope is rising with the…

I feel alone again. Humans were built for relationship. God himself said "It is not good for man to be alone" Genesis 2:18 I honestly want my husband.. I feel so alone. But God says be patient. I still.. I feel like it will never happen.. How could anyone love me like that.. I don't know what to do. Why is this so hard? There is a song called More that says "Just a face in the city Just a tear on a crowded street But you are one in a million And you belong to me And I want…

Right now I feel so alone. My head is not computing with what my heart truly wants. I'm lonely and my brain is telling me to fix it in the wrong ways. I feel alone and I know that I'm not. God loves me and will never leave me. His name is Immanuel. God With Us. I was sitting here contemplating my loneliness and the song Walk By Faith came on. God loves to talk to me through music. Suddenly I heard this.. "You've been so faithful for all my years With one breath You make me new Your grace…

So dad just blew. He left for work 45 minutes early. Figures.. I couldn't sleep and he just starts screaming and I walk away from it and he blows. I wish I didn't exist. Can Anybody Hear Me? I feel like God is just so far away and he can't but.. "I know that you can hear me When the silence is deafening Even though you seem far away And I know your here with me But I just need the faith to see Nothing can separate me from your love." God says "You just Call My Name I'll…

My life.. so many things go wrong. My life is a Shipwreck. I just want God to turn me into a better person. I want be a person worth the life I've been given. But I can't. To be worthy would mean that I'd be perfect. Yet somehow God found me worth dying for. Me. There is nothing worth loving about me.. but he doesn't care he loves me. Here I sit before the lord completely broken. All I feel like doing is crying. But God says I love you. He says "He will wipe every tear from their…

Im listening to Caroline and after everything that happens God says it will be ok. "I know you want to run away And I know that you cant see tomorrow Caroline Let me wipe away your tears And give you life I'll make you feel beautiful again Caroline Don't throw it all away I'm here tonight To take away your pain"