I don't like cities
But I like New York
Make me feel like a dork
Yes, that's the epic poetry of madonna
's "I Love New York
" -- which, like almost everything else on the album, feels like it would have been really supercool four years ago. The album is, nonetheless, awesome -- perhaps better than we deserve.
It’s hip to mock the elderly Ms. Ciccone these days. When she kicked off off the MTV Europe Music Awards. Sacha Baron Cohen, appearing as his character Borat, said of madonna
: "It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite." That’s all well and good, but if not for that tranny, Mr. Cohen, Borat, and Ali G might still be driving the cab around.
"I can't believe she's 89 and looks like that," jokes robbie williams
. Even People magazine has her actually 47 year old ass on the cover. But as anyone who’s seen the video for "Hung Up
" must realize, she’s in on the joke. Old Madonna stretches in the dance studio, the youngsters just naturally bounce off walls, and in the end she still kicks all of their asses.
I think I understand how my dad felt when tina turner
released Private Dancer
I've always been able to adore madonna
-the-artist because I ignore madonna
-the-person. As Madonna-loyalist-and-quote-tracker Allen pointed out regarding her newest autobiodocudrama “I'm Going To Tell You A Secret” :
The documentary is so incredibly bad that you will not believe that these gayass comediennes are not giving her MORE shit!
Sidebar He also reminds us of Sandra Bernhardt’s continued relevance and predictions proven right:
Sandy B. has once again proved her clairvoyance. Just as she saw "Mariah Carey and her crazy ass" years before Mariah *actually* went insane, she also predicted--in 1998!--that Lourdes would be a little bitch. And she sho 'nuf is, as you'll see in the doco.
I’d rather not actually. To paraphrase the famous saying about law, her art is like sausages -- it’s best not to see them made. Madonna-as-person has always, for me, been the ultimate bad post-show discussion after a tremendous performance. Having not seen her much lately, having missed the documentary entirely, and only having the album to judge... my feelings are different.
I’m in full on, true blue Madonna crazy.
Here's some good things about every single freakin' track. And I've only had it for 6 hours.
(I wrote this last week and am only now getting around to posting it. Getting the early scroop with your blog is so 2003 anyway….)
Spoiler warning -- stop reading if you want to listen to the songs with a fresh ear, like a virgin, if you will...
1. My thoughts re: "Hung Up
” – from last month actually...
The single itself is so simply pop golden that I can't believe it wasn't done by the Swedes themselves. Completely separate of my gay gay gay dripping with semen because its so gay intense love of it, look at it from a business plan perspective:
She creates a pop song that's basically already a ring tone called Hung Up -- the ring tone sales plus the nearly-sure guarantee that it will be used in telecom commercials for years to come mean that this single's royalties alone could support Rocco at a Graceland level of opulence for his whole fake British lifetime with castles and good teeth and everything.
Best Mom this side of Jodie Foster in peril on an airplane in a panic room.
2. Think of all the Madonna songs you love that were never released as singles and that you love as much as anything on "Immaculate Collection" but you still understand why they weren't singles. Add "Get Together
" to that list.
" is as good as any Madonna song we've ever been given.
In fact, I'll go as far as to say that the next time kylie
and Anastacia bump into each other at the Lance Armstrong Clubhouse (the Honeycomb Hideout for all cancer survivors who are hugely popular everywhere in the world except the market that counts) they'll commiserate on how if they were given "Sorry", they too would have HBO concert specials.
4. See 6 for my take on "Let it Will Be" and "Future Lovers"
5. "I Love New York
" despite my mockery -- contains the line "If you don't like my attitude, then you can F off /Just go to Texas / Isn't that where they golf?" and "New York is not for little pussies who scream /If you can't stand the heat then get off of my street" and oh so wisely repeats "get off of my street" over and over and over.
It also has the balls to rhyme "mad", "sad", and "glad" in successive order. (Guess which city makes her glad?)
Though perhaps written by Lourdes, it's Candy Perfume Perfection.
6. "Let It Will Be
" and "Future Lovers
" are like missing tracks from Music that they left off because the sounded too much like something from Ray of Light done so much better that they'd damage the earlier album's reputation by their inclusion.
7. Add "Forbidden Love
" to the same list to which we earlier added "Get Together" (After a few hundred more listen, I may be wrong about these...)
8. Supposing there is a Gay Jesus and Madonna dies and she decides she wants to go to Gay Heaven and the hot bouncer of Gay Heaven -- Saint Pete -- starts giving her all kinds of attitude (You know how that certain kind of faggot gets all drunk with power given even the tiniest bit of power authority...) and he won't let her in until she does yet another good gay deed, if she then released "Jump" as a thanks to the Pet Shop Boys for all they did to influence pop music in directions she was able to capitalize on, her success at said tribute would mean she'd promptly be shown to the VIP entrance by Gay Jesus himself.
9. "How High" is Madonna's celebrity existential crisis put to an incredibly danceable beat -- and now the official up tempo funeral dirge for the unfortunate character I created and then slowly became this time last year until he had to be put down. However, the song itself has nothing to do with drugs -- except in the way that dance artists often use such clever word play to appeal to not-so-clever circuit DJs and the crowds who put their well manicured hands in the air in solidarity & approval.
(Need I even mention putting "Jump" and "How High" in successive order?)
10. "Isaac" isn't nearly as bad as you'd think the one with the chanting that the rabbis hate would be. If the past is any indication, I will end up eventually liking this song most eventually.
11. "Push" samples something and I can't figure out what. It sounds like it's a Madonna song of the past. But I'm not sure. I think it's supposed to feel that way in some sort of genius way. And then it fades to the next song with something like "Frozen." The chorus also lyrically reminds of "Every Breath I Take" -- which has been famously sampled so many times that the brain gets even more confused.
I think that's like a lot of Madonna that works these days -- it's working on a level the artist might not necessarily intend or understand.
If you’ve ever been in love with someone who made you better, this song will make you think of them – either with fondness or regret.
12. "like it or not
" is, like the whole album is to Madonna’s career, a coda to a remarkable thing -- that tells us all ‘fuck you, Madonna’s still here and will be for far longer -- beyond your opinion, my review, that tabloid…so get used to it or get out of the way…” Once it reaches the line “Can’t have the femme without the fatale” you’re no longer embarrassed by the dumb stuff and ready to listen again.Madonna