Articles

RSS
  • Lost in sound

    27 oct. 2010, 16h11m

    I listen to my library.
    I discover new sounds and I'm still amazed at the things given to me. The feelings and emotions that flow through me. I can't express it. The music does it for me.
    I am in love with sound. The beauty of all that is around us.
    Can you feel it?
    Does it move you?
    Breath it.
    Live it.
    Believe in it.
    Know it.
    Learn from it.
    Embrace it.
  • Lost in Music

    16 déc. 2008, 17h23m

    I am blessed for all the things I have. Is it enough? I can't help but feel I'm missing something. My words are spoken and lost in translation. And I have the hardest time expressing myself. When I feel my actions are justified and yet I am unable to define exactly why. Again, it's a fact that I am no debater. I am made of fail. Simply put.

    This is not depression. Which sounds quite wrong, but true. I'm just contemplative as to where I am, what I want and where I should be. I think it's the gemini in me and possibly the manic that I am.

    I've become lost in music(see Lost Playlist). The failure is that I am unable to express the emotions these songs cause me. This longing in my soul.

    I have moments where things are perfect. And moments where things couldn't possibly be worse (although this isn't true). But we all do. At least I sure as hell hope so, because if not, I'm screwed. :P

    I felt a need to express something here. Maybe I've done that, in some crazy cryptic way. Do I feel better? A little.

    If I break another heart I swear I shall crawl under a rock and never come out again. If my life falls apart one more time I'm not sure I could take it. Not again. And so I hold on for all I have and surround myself in all the love I can find. Because this life is too short to lose it all to sorrow. Emo? Yeah, maybe. But sometimes that's what keeps me balanced.

    Thankfully I have great friends whom I call family and lovers and I'm blessed in that I always have a place to go and escape from it all. I'm sorry for all the hearts I've broken. For all the people I've given up on. For those that didn't think I was good enough and wouldn't give me a chance. Life is full of lessons. So I embrace it.

    So crank the music, play it loud, sing your heart out and know that you're loved, somewhere by someone. Always.
  • Time to Focus

    28 sept. 2008, 19h59m

    For the past few months I've been working my ass off. Depression hit HARD, I was working 3 jobs. Had no time for me, my family, my joys, my friends, NOTHING. I came home and slept. Somehow I managed to read a few books, but that's about it. I had signed up for a Copy Writing Class and the work book still sits on my living room floor. Speaking of living room floor, my house is in major need of some TLC. The good news, I am now able to give it the attention it needs, which I have discovered will make me happy as well. Bye bye depression.

    This past week has been spent with dread of figuring out how I was going to juggle everything and once I figured out I'd have to quite one of my jobs, I then struggled with figuring out how I was going to do it. My first reaction was to load all the ironing I hadn't touched in two weeks into my car and leave it on her front porch with a note saying I just couldn't work for her any more. Thankfully a friend of mine told me I'd just be welcoming a shit load of not so friendly karma had I done that, plus I would be burning a bridge that may be useful later.

    Thursday came and I was preparing myself for the talk I was going to have the next morning with my employer. She's a wonderful woman, but I just can't work for her, too much stress. So I came home from my second job around 10:15pm and was getting ready for bed, setting my alarm for 8am, seeing as I had to be at work at 9am. Around 10:30 that night Thriller starts playing on my cell phone. For the life of me I couldn't remember who I had assigned such a song to. It was Autumne (my employer with whom I was about to quit)! She loved the 80s and so the song fit, but she never calls me. Anyway, all the work she needed me to do, she had managed to almost finish during the week and could wrap it up on her own. She didn't need me. :D It seems that all my stressing had sent word to the fates and they in turn planted the seeds in Autumne to realize I was working myself too hard, and of the jobs I had her's was the one I'd have to quit. So we talked, she told me she understood, she wants me to focus my time on the things I love and that she knows will become fruitful for me. Rose and I's store was the main thing. So in an hour and a half from now I had over to hand in the last of the ironing I have for her and shut that door. She would love to keep me as her personal assistant, and maybe later down the line I'll be able to give her that, but for now, I just can't. I'm just very grateful that I made the right choice in not making a rash decision and in the end things worked themselves out. :D

    In other news: I went to the Coutning Crows Concert this past Wed! It was AWESOME!!! Have discovered a new band, Augustana. They opened for Maroon 5 and Counting Crows. Discovered also that Maroon 5 is not a band for me, there isn't a lot of passion there on stage with them. Lots of flashing lights and the lead singer wiggling his ass, along with busting up a perfectly good guitar at the end of his performance, but other than that, I was not amused. Thankfully it gave me time to use the restroom before everyone else during the set change between Maroon 5 and Counting Crows. :P The fun part of the evening? Two of the Counting Crows member's wives went into labor that day, so Augustana filled in for them. It was a circus and very well done. Can't wait for that live recording to become available for download online, I'm so buying it. (Keep in mind I HATE live recordings, but I was there and some of the things that were heard were once in a life time sounds!) I got my hoody I wanted and Concert T-shirt. $90 well spent. Aaron signed up as the DD, so we had free sodas for the night. The only downfall of the evening was that I got stuck sitting next to miss DRUNK as a SKUNK! She was /very/ friendly, didn't have a clue was personal space was and unfortunately her 2 girlfriends and husband did not know how to keep her on a short leash. We moved a few rows down and shortly thereafter they followed, thankfully sitting a bit further down the row from us this time.

    Oh, and BTW, Fiddlers Green needs to tell the business around them to kiss their ass, because of some stupid noise ordinance the show had to end at 10:30pm. :( (Keep in mind Fiddlers Green was there first.) I'm looking forward to the next time Counting Crows comes to town and maybe they'll tour with Augustana and not Maroon 5. And play at RedRock instead. :D If it is at Fiddlers Green I'm want them playing on their own and I'm getting box seats. :P

    Paul Newman died. :( Cancer. Seems it's almost always cancer these days. Few people die of old age in their beds anymore. My mom said it and she's right, soon there won't be any great icons left. Makes me sad.

    Aaron has sold his soul to the devil. He is now working at Walmart. Really hoping that the idea of when you're looking for work you can't find it, but as soon as you find a job a ton of doors open up. Funny, with him working more I feel more inclined to work on the house more. Mainly since I'll be home more but also because I've found I work more and harder when no one is home. Something about being watched or working while others are not. I don't know. I've been that way since I was a kid. I'd clean the living room, as soon as everyone left it. :P With his job also means that I get to spend more time with Kendra without daddy. Maybe that will help her not feel so dependent on him. She goes through stages, as most children do, of being really clingy. And of course she loves to do the dance of "I don't like the answer you gave me, so I'm gonna go ask daddy." :P The good news is that since we've all moved in together she's done great in adjusting. Most days that Aaron is working I'll be picking her up from school after I get Carson from school. So she'll spend a few hours with me and the younger boys. Thankfully she and Carson get along well and are the same age. :D

    I need to post pics from Sept birthday madness and Mabon. Lots of great pics of the kids. (Rose's kids and Kendra that is. :) )

    For now I'm looking forward to more time with my cats and now 2 fish (1 beta and 1 goldfish), playing a bit more WoW (I've gone ahead and pre-ordered the Expansion which comes out Nov 13, can't wait!), keeping the house cleaner longer, and working on my Copy Writing skills. My nanny jobs won't last forever and when they do end I want to be able to have something already lined up, and if I can do it from home, all the more the better. :D And last but not least in the least bit, working on the store. We have the business cards, the fliers, the site, now to get a few minor details up so we can actually get product to customers and we'll be on our way! :D