by David Raffin
These are some thoughts about the 2012 presidential election in
the (dis)United States.
1. “Abe Lincoln would never put up with this hogswallop.”
2. Together both parties will accomplish the same result in the
USA as 70 Years of Communist rule in Russia: Total systemic
3. At least the (almost) candidacy of the Republican Christian
Newt Gingrich brought back the issue of child labor and why we must
have it back. USA! USA!
“Thank God the Republicans want to bring back child labor. My
baby is so lazy. He sleeps half the day.”
4. The Republican ticket for 2012 proves people of different
faiths can work together as long as they have the same evil
5. Mitt Romney Is So Evil He: created Obamacare just so he could
later disown it.
Mitt Romney is a deadbeat dad.
6. Mitt Romney Is So Evil He: Will steal your heart. He will
sell it to one of his rich friends. Or just eat it himself.
7. I just realized Republican Christians are the zombie scourge.
They are constantly trying to convert/turn others into them.
Ravage/Rip apart. And they do not care about others.
8. When a Republican Christian whines about anything and quotes
the bible, ask what they’re doing to help the poor, & say,
“Read the Sermon on the Mount, hypocrite!”
9. If Republican Christians read the Sermon on the Mount they
would burn bibles. If they understood it, which is giving them a
lot of credit. Mostly just atheists, agnostics, & freethinkers
like Kurt Vonnegut talk about the Sermon on the Mount, that
10. US Republican party members believe in old fashioned values,
like the clear dividing line between legitimate and illegitimate
11. The GOP talked about rape so much they must have a GOP rape
flashcard kit. It is not unusual to see a new candidate being
coached: “Legitimate! Illegitimate! Legitimate!”
12. Mitt Romney doesn’t have the courage to say out loud,
clearly, what he really believes.
“Orphans think they should be entitled to seconds on the thin
gruel just because they’re ’still hungry.’” –Mitt Romney,
“When I said we should ‘abandon the poor, the elderly, and
the weak,’ I meant it in a ‘I’m a follower of Jesus’ way.” –Mitt
Romney, Dickensian villain
13. For reference, THIS is the sin of Sodom: “arrogant, overfed
and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” Ezekial
14. When I heard Mitt Romney speak on the plight of poor folk,
struggling to get by, I realized I was listening to Scrooge McDuck.
When looking for meaningful, insightful speeches about
poverty I automatically think “I hope a clueless rich guy gives
15. One morning Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan witnessed an act of
kindness. It was not motivated by self interest. They were
I’m kidding about Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan witnessing an act
of kindness. They don’t hang out in that sort of crowd.
16. Romney says, “I Will Not Take God Off Coins.” He also will
not throw the money changers out of the temple.
17. Mitt Romney is a Businessman. You know, a moral leader. He
doesn’t murder children– he just profits off the murder of
18. I find it highly suspicious that Romney’s press photo
package comes in an envelope labeled “Mitt Romney not beating his
19. The best GOP convention speaker: The Cavity Creeps. “We make
holes in Teeth! We make holes in Teeth! Government regulations stop
us. Get government off our back!”
20. After Clint Eastwood’s debate with an empty chair,
Republicans will finally start talking with Democrats. They’ll even
invite them to dinner. Save them a chair, even.
The new respect Republicans will have for Obama is based on
reason: Invisibility is nothing to trifle with. & the GOP is
The GOP fears an invisible opponent. They have a lot to hide,
The new scare will be invisibility. “Are you now or have you
ever been invisible?” will be the new GOP rally cry.
“Was he born invisible?” the Republicans will demand. They
will demand to see proof. Photos of him not being there will
21. The president’s wife is called “the first lady.” The
vice-president’s wife is called “the second wife.” This will
confuse Mitt Romney.