Last night's events [slash] How fat was the girl that molested you?

 
    • msscionred a dit :...
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    • 11 avr. 2009, 18h39m
    I miss last.fm

    dkporican2:yeah...it is interesting to wake up in a strange bed with your underwear on inside out i suppose
  • i miss all the fat chicks that used to molest mir83nj and 12341234

    • BobKo a dit :...
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    • 27 nov. 2009, 14h48m
    tonight's gone be an awesome night! I'm ressurecting this thread! there's a 5-floor house party at one of the student homes. one music style and one colour for every floor. I'm gone be mad drunk and happily confused!
    what's up with the molestation peeps?

    • 12341234 a dit :...
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    • 1 déc. 2009, 10h40m
    Hooray for ressurection, bobko. Also, Goodluck with the threesome girl-whose-name-I-forgot-but-probably-should-know. I do miss the old stories too, man.

    I've been dating a japanese girl for like 3 months now. No, its not sideways. But what the hell is with japanese girls and not having asses, man? I am pining for a nice thick ass. Not much happening in the way of drunken behavior. But she surprised me the first time we hung out but pulling out weed and asking if it was ok.

    OF COURSE. So now we smoke a lot, have sex a lot, and eat too much. Its fun. when she gets to high she doesnt stop laughing and then usually slumps over on the floor. I'm down with that, considering she can be coaxed to the bed and then revived again with some foreplay.

    I tried anal once with her, but christ she is tight.

    About a month ago, one night she kept passing the bong back to me. In America that would have been great, getting ripped and hallucinating a little bit while I watched my hands get bigger and smaller. This was not the case. I stumbled into the bathroom and hugged the neck of the toilet for security. An hour later she crawled over and asked me if I was ok. I dont know If i responded. I'm alive though which is a positive side.

    COMPLETELY UNRELATED; I saw Where the Wild Things Are. Granted I illegally watched it online on one of the countless free movie sites...but...What the Fuck? It wasn't like the story at all. It was like a bunch of immature, psychopathic people in monster costume that didnt know how to play together. IT WAS DEPRESSING. And what was the overall message? That every time you run into trouble or things dont work out, just run away? Because that happened twice in the movie and each time it proved to be successful. ANNNNNND, where the fuck was the Arcade Fire song that was in the preview? I was so psyched to hear it, and it never fucking came. The movie ended, and went and cried under my blankets. Actually I probably just went to bed a little disturbed, but thats not the point. The movie could have been way more interesting, and better constructed, and better scripted.

    Although, James Gandolfini was a plus, that was him, right?

    what do you guys think of that cinematic disaster?

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
  • so, i'm in a steady relationship and loving it, but i might have some stories to reanimate this thread. if my english is fucked up, that's because i'm german and it's 8am and i haven't had coffee so far. so fuck you, kay?

    so... new year's eve, some years back. house party at some girl's (about 15 years old) place. i'm 18 at the time and don't know what i'm doing there, but i've had enough scotch to bear it. at some point we're alone in her kitchen. it's maybe 7am and she comes up with a proposal: "hey, uh - i'm going to have shower... you in?". implying much more, i guess.
    so, i try to be polite as often as i get the chance. you see, i could easily scream at her: "you look like a pig! i mean, seriously! there's no way i put anything in you, i'm far too engrossed by you. i do have some self-respect left, girl. plus, you're 15, i mean, damn." - but no, i come up with a brilliantly eloquent and logical excuse why not to fuck that jailbait which i have often been admired for. my reply was that:
    "uh - naw, that wouldn't be too great an idea, you see... we're going home soon and it's cold outside... so you, i might get a cold if i go outside with wet hair - you see, that'd be fucked up."
    she accepts that, but i somehow drop the polite behaviour about an hour later when we're all ready to leave. a good friend of mine which i have filled in on the events by that time comes to the entrance hall where we've all gathered and loudly asks me if i want to take a shower with him like, right now. without missing a beat i tell him to wait until we get home. the girl storms out, crying. so much for being polite.

    oh, and a short anecdote: i'm 16 and finally drop the v card to some girl. i'm rather disappointed in the act, as it's... well, i've often compared it to sticking your thing into a tree. looking back, she was just... awful. i mean, she just... lay there almost motionless but still scratched my back.
    but - she expresses enjoyment by at some random point saying quite loudly: "GIVE IT TO ME". i tried so hard not to laugh at her, but she might have realised that she didn't manage to turn me on, haha.


    otherwise, since i have not really much stories of being hit on (except by gay guys. i went out with my girlfriend once and got hit on by more dudes than her, haha) because i somehow managed to drop the polite behaviour completely or maybe because i never notice because i'm too drunk to realise some girl's molesting me, but i have at least two stories with my girlfriend that are rather amusing/awesome.

    soooo, we've had a long distance relationship going for about 10 months (now it has turned into some very very long distance shit, but hey, thanks to whoever invited skype) and i've come to visit her. so one day i'm rather pissed at her anyways, out of nothing of course. it's just me being a dickhead to her, accusing her of wanting to cheat on me and implying other stuff. things worsen more and more the bigger the amounts of gin with cranberry juice (desperate times call for desperate measures, folks) and i feed her all my teenage angst bit by bit and then decide to stop talking to her. well, she stays calm.
    then we get back home to her place and go to bed immediatly. after maybe an hour or so, well - do consider that cheap gin and cranberry juice were never intended to b mixed - i experience something which struck me as quite interesting: i wake myself up by vomitting wildly. like in, all over the place. like in, all over myself and like in, even more over my beautiful girlfriend whom i've never before have so tenderly wakened. but - she's cool with that.
    could have happened to anyone, you know.
    so she instantly starts to change the sheets and whatnot. note: she's covered in pink vomit (gin+cranberry, folks... just leave it alone) and i for myself a little bit, too. in comparison far less than her, but it's enough for my drunk head to announce to her: "yeah, uh - i'm gonna take a shower. it's just too disgusting."
    leaving her alone to change the sheets, all covered in vomit.
    so, imagine you're her. just imagine that.
    well yeah. i guess i just not deserve her. because the next morning, instead of being pissed at me (which would have been easily understandable) she wakes me with coffee and breakfast - and when i stumble some apologies, she just laughs about the whole incident.
    i mean, how awesome is that.

    another story that comes to my mind happened just recently, on halloween. we've been to this huge house party with around 250 guestes (4 floors, cops showed up around 4 times, everything got smashed etc.).
    again i'm there with my girlfriend and some other friends. she somehow disappears and comes back an hour later, having drunk so much tequila it would've killed an average african elephant - and starts downing more beers, even mixing that stuff with gin.
    i make her stop at some point, but it's too late - after 2 hours we manage to block one bathroom for about 1 hour because now it's her turn to vomit like she's never done before, me holding her hair back (it was kinda romantic, seriously) and everything. then our host (being a real close friend of ours) gives us the key to her bedroom where my girlfriend lays down on the host's brother's mattress to relax a bit. me being by her side.
    after a while, she's better and well, the room's locked, it's a huge mattress and we're drunk as hell - yeah, we fuck.
    and just 10 seconds after i've come someone starts banging at the door furiously. it's a friends and our host, 4 people, done with partying and wanting to rest... so what do i do now? we're both naked, i still wear a condom, but we can't not let them in... so we dress as quickly as possible which means i just grab my shirt and my boxers and somehow manage to slip inside them. just when i open the door, i realise something that might become a problem sooner or later: i'm STILL wearing that fucking condom. and, the softener my cock gets, the more it's... well, slipping away.
    so - just when they enter, i storm out of the room and try to get to the nearest restroom. so, there are around 250 in this house and not only am i running around in boxers at 5am (of course everyone else had some fancy hollywood costume on), but i'm in fear that at some point a used condom would fall from my crotch. everyone's staring at me anyways, so that would just be...
    but i manage to get to the nearest bathroom, get the fucking thing off of me - but there's no bin or whatever to put it - so what do i do? i sneak it back to the room and hide it in a pocket of my jacket - where i would find it two days later. ugh.
    best part was probably when after i've come back one of our friends asked: "uh - did you two just fuck in here?".
    well, here's the story: yeah, we did. on the mattress where the five of us sleeped on. sorry.

    • 12341234 a dit :...
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    • 24 déc. 2009, 1h02m
    atthedriveby said:
    but i manage to get to the nearest bathroom, get the fucking thing off of me - but there's no bin or whatever to put it - so what do i do? i sneak it back to the room and hide it in a pocket of my jacket - where i would find it two days later. ugh.
    best part was probably when after i've come back one of our friends asked: "uh - did you two just fuck in here?".
    well, here's the story: yeah, we did. on the mattress where the five of us sleeped on. sorry.


    Dude, it's called a "toilet". You put the condom in and flush it down. That simple. Also, although your stories were a bit wandering I applaud your effort. Especially the end to your last story. Again:
    one of our friends asked: "uh - did you two just fuck in here?"
    well, here's the story: yeah, we did. on the mattress where the five of us sleeped on. sorry.


    HAHAHA.

    Also, just read Mir's early response to my Piss Jar story. I will paraphrase it out of the kindness and Christmas cheer in my heart.
    ~~~~>

    "Hey Bob, uhh...you got any idea where this jar full of piss came from? What's that? Yeah, I found this jar full of piss on my lawn...No I didn't put it there, I just found it...Why did I...what? No, I didn't piss in it, I found it! Why did I pick it up? I don't know! FUCK! FUCK YOU, BOB! Stop throwing jars full of piss on my lawn! Asshole!"

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
  • "Dude, it's called a "toilet". You put the condom in and flush it down. That simple."

    yeah, but also it's called "being absolutely hammered and not being able to think straight thus" - well, yeah.

    oh, here another short one:
    my girlfriend got hit on by some dude once with the words: "hey, do happen to have cancer?"

    • Ijsje a dit :...
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    • 26 déc. 2009, 3h59m
    i once tried to hit on a girl while i was very inebriated. she was fat, ugly and in a wheelchair and i still got shot down.

    "Du rouge au vert tout le jaune se meurt
    Quand chantent les aras dans les forêts natales
    Abatis de pihis"
    -Apollinaire
    • BobKo a dit :...
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    • 21 jan. 2010, 17h17m
    why is there no hot girls in Britain? I'm mean seriously, someone's been peeing in that gene pool.
    well, I'm living in London now. pretty sweet altough I haven't started my job search yet. all my friends are working at bars so that's probably what I'm gone do aswell.
    well, dinnertime. I fucking hate cooking

  • BobKo said:
    why is there no hot girls in Britain? I'm mean seriously, someone's been peeing in that gene pool.


    the dudes arn't that good either.

    • 12341234 a dit :...
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    • 7 mars 2010, 4h10m
    How cool is it that I can throw on some porn and my girlfriend will appreciate it as much as I do?

    Very cool.

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
    • mir83nj a dit :...
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    • 1 avr. 2010, 3h55m
    i was saddened how quickly i was able to catch up on this thread. let me see if I can conjure something interesting from the past few months.

    ok...so a few weeks ago I went to see this queer electro/dance band called Men play at Mercury Lounge. If you remember the girl with the moustache from Le Tigre, this is her new band. they mentioned a party later that week for one their birthdays, and my roommate wanted to go.

    that night, we arrive at the bar, grab a drink, and look around. after we get bored of checking out the lesbians, we move to the back, which apparently is filled to the brim and ready to explode. as we head through the doorway we see something like 50 cameraphones all pointing at what appeared to be a stage; our view was obstructed until we pushed farther into the crowd. the music blasting, everyone is screaming, cheering and dancing, but all eyes are towards the back of the room.

    as we reach the back and turn around, the center of attention comes into view: a naked woman standing on the bar (not a stage), combing a two foot ponytail emanating from her crotch. she prances about the bar, baiting the crowd, spinning the hair in circles like a helicopter (Petey Pablo, anyone?) and occasionally hitting people in the first few rows in the face with the hair.

    now I have to be honest, I couldn't tell if the hair was hers or not. my guess it was attached to a butt plug or a dildo that was already inside of her; but as i missed the beginning of the show I cannot be sure. shortly after we arrived she came down from the bar and the party resumed; a girl I ran into that I knew from my roommate's cafe said the dancer was her friend.

    hopefully I run into her next time I get coffee.

    "I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like fucking, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling." -HST
    • 12341234 a dit :...
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    • 28 avr. 2010, 16h34m
    Haha. I'd hate to be her Gyno. I really like Le Tigre. Maybe I'll check out the newer band. Today I took a nap and woke up past my usual bedtime. Gotta love that.

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
  • Let me get this straight: none of you have been drunk in the past two months? Jesus, the economy really is in the shits when people can't even afford to drown their sorrows.

    a naked woman standing on the bar (not a stage), combing a two foot ponytail emanating from her crotch. she prances about the bar, baiting the crowd, spinning the hair in circles like a helicopter (Petey Pablo, anyone?) and occasionally hitting people in the first few rows in the face with the hair.there's something disturbingly fascinating about that. to the extent that I almost want to be hit by a ponytail stuck to someone's crotch. and then I don't.

    So last weekend a cousin of some degree that I can't be bothered trying to work out came to visit, she's from the States but she's studying art in London and decided that after 365 days of bad weather and rude people she wanted to see what the rest of Europe's like. So she came to Milan, which is the only city in Italy that has bad weather and rude people. Saturday we went to the country cause it's June and people decided that it's BBQ month. We also decided that there's nothing better to savour half burnt half raw meat than drowning it in as many bottles of wine as the table can hold.

    After drinking our weight in red we had several brilliant ideas: one was to go on a hike across Europe. As in walk the whole sodding continent. Saves money, good for our arse and we get the full freedom experience. The second brilliant idea was to perform acts of vandalism on all modern art pieces that are actually just pieces of shit. The best part of this plan is that we can combine it to our hike across Europe. The third brilliant plan was to go to a Karaoke bar. So far that's the only one we actually put into action last night. But then again, does it count if you spend the first three hours trying to get as drunk as possible because you chose to perform Bohemian Rhapsody? I think it doesn't if you can't remember actually singing it, but it sort of does if there's photographic evidence. So I say, half a point.

    • 12341234 a dit :...
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    • 19 août 2010, 14h14m

    America

    Nice.

    Well, if you didn't know, I'm currently living in Japan and going out with a Japanese girl. There, now you're up to speed. After a year in Japan I took the girlie home to hang out with the fam and friends for a couple of weeks. Our transit time to Philly was ridiculous ...32 hours there, and then 45 back. Fucking Chicago airport.

    Anyshit, I throw I kegger at my parents house the day after I get back. Facebook invites, beer pong, swimming, peeing in the trees with no hands... the whole shabang.

    My friend grew an outrageous mustache.

    At three different times during the night we are smoked out (by some giving friend of mine) amidst all the beer. My girlfriend is Japanese btdubs...so it goes without saying shes a lightweight. She winds up doing her first Irish Car Bomb and she handled it like a champ. Besides sitting the whole night high as fuck, my girlfriend passed out in the wet grass cuddling with my huge 100 pound dog.

    I was in the middle at sucking at beer pong (a year in Japan without it...you can imagine) and hear a ruckus right behind me. It's coming from the pool. My 200 pound native American friend woke up from his mid-party nap and is being coaxed into doing a belly flop.

    My equally drunk brother decides to join in and hates himself for trying. My dad also decides to jump and delivers one whopper of a wave and one of the highest-pitched water-slaps I've ever heard. Too bad he had his blackberry in his pocket. There are some back-flops, side-of-the-face flops (clearly unintentional), and flip into groin flops. Everyone decides its time to count their losses and go drink some more.

    So after the party, and the subsequent hangover, I show my girl, Akimi, around Philly a bit. She eats a whole fucking cheesesteak (which blew my mind) and then was quoted saying "American food makes my farts smell". Amen.

    Here, she is getting fat over some real bacon and breakfast sausage at IHOP.

    She tried some Americanized sushi, we walked South St. And some my friends cover band. At this bar venue in Philly, Akimi and I play a few games of shuffleboard. We're high on life and having fun. Some drunk dudes ask to jump in and we whoop their asses. Go us. The one huge dude keeps telling me he was a jock in high school. Great dude. Im glad for you. I don't have to reference my "glory days" in highchool to make conversation, but whatever wets your sack. the dude gets more and more drunk, spills a beer on me and drops another beer in the course of 10 minutes. After the game is over, he gives me the worst punch I've ever experienced in my life, right to my jaw. I drop to the floor and blood everywhere. He runs out the door and hides around the corner (only to later on try and start shit with cars as they drive by).

    My girlfriend said she only heard it...the loud slap. The dude had no reason whatsoever. And my lip was fucked for like two weeks and is just healing now. Welcome to Philadelphia! We're not violent!

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
  • Here, she is getting fat over some real bacon and breakfast sausage at IHOP.
    ...Japanese girls totally make me want to try the bi thing.

    • 12341234 a dit :...
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    • 23 sept. 2010, 1h44m
    Because you both have food fetishes?

    Hey, Todd Palin, I just finished coloring your wife's book.
    • BobKo a dit :...
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    • 24 nov. 2010, 22h59m
    I was at a VIP bar last thursday. We got invited by a scottish guy who really liked our sound(we've been playing a gig at a place called rhythm factory). he was working in management at the bar so we got free drinks. the place was really expensive(you had to pay 3000 pounds just to get a membership) so the only people who was there were either lawyers, accountants or rich cougars.
    I've never seen so many women in their "prime" before.
    one of them walked up to the guy who invited us to the bar and told him to feel her jaw, she then dislocated it and whispered in his ear:
    "I give the best blow jobs"

  • I'm officially getting too old for last night's events.

    • BobKo a dit :...
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    • 28 oct. 2011, 21h33m
    thread revival! check out your good ol' friend Bobko's awesome band!



    its beautiful!

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